treadpidation

my words oft misconstrued the meaning known and understood to me felt and viewed differently by readers and thinkers known and unknown may get me into trouble or hot water or conditions of having to attempt to explain myself furthering my words perhaps misconstrued and oft placing me deeper into the maelstrom of misunderstanding requiring me to face my misunderstandings with an inquisitor who first hurt may come to realization what they see and what I say are not necessarily of same portent signaling a change in thought or feeling but an explanation of my scattered but ordered mind segmented into byte size pieces of information that arranged in a map will explain the pattern of thought that augers augury of insight into places I fear to tread and that in fact my meaning is one of great intent to herald a future of true content

This Solitary Plate

Mark prepares for two, actually for more truth be told because he always wants to make sure there is plenty.  And of course leftovers are good.  His is a simple meal.  Beans and carrots amply buttered cooked wrapped in foil upon the barbeque.  A complimentary package of new potatoes, spices, and onions keeps company with the beans and carrots.  Cooked at a high temperature in their own juices a delicious summer fare.  Well marbled two simple steaks thick and juicy marinade in ginger and garlic till soft and receptive to searing heat.  All cooked and prepared with love, for two.  Mark stares at the plates, two meals, one person.  "We are missing bread sticks."  Soupir.  He misses her.

wounded

the honesty is real, the truth you can feel

this last chance to take, a future life to make

laid out upon the ground, it makes sense is sound

then emotion does take hold, no sense is its role

refusal to accept, wounded how I wept

On the Mark Out of Step

Well geez.  How is it I can be so on the mark in all my routine and business dealings.  Everything, and I mean everything is going just so.  Like, I am on budget and schedule for all my projects.  I have the respect of my team and the company masters.  Why just this morning a person came to see me to simply state “wow, I don’t know what has happened to you of late but I am learning so much from you, your insight is incredible, thank you and keep it up.”  Now stuff like that is important cause it can make you feel right and all, at least professionally.  And I suppose that helps your attitude at home right. 

Well no.  I am out of step with my people, the people who I care most for.  I am missing their needs by a wide lot.  They laugh and I miss the humour.  They cry and I don’t know why.  They share and I miss the emotion.  Like geez this is frustrating.  Like I am trading the deadpan routine of work for the joyous roller coaster ride of my love, my friends, my family.  Why can’t I have both I ask.  How is it I can segment myself one or the other and not be both and all.  Just not fair.

Given my choice I choose depth.  Work, as good as it is, is shallow by comparison.  My people, they give me life, my reason to exist.  So I ask, I could really care less if I hit the mark professionally; I want to be in step with our reality.  When you see me out of step please hit me, shake me out of it.  I need to know.  Cause you matter to me more than you may actually know.

Freedom Walking

Slowly and deliberately I measure my steps

Left and then right each bar I reflect

This muscle and sinew connected to mind

These cells my grey matter; my memories to find.

A metronome pace so slow a hearts beat

The pains and the joys they will not retreat

Step upon step I find life, I renew

They leap from my heart, the pain bid adieu

Musterbation Can-Can

You must get a wife

You must get a large house

You must get a degree

You must get that six-figure job

You must have 2.1 kids

You must have a 2-car garage

You must have that Europe holiday

You must have an SUV

You must also own a car

You must send you kids to private school

You must eat at the finest restaurants

You must play golf

You must love professional sports

You must belong to exclusive clubs

You must have sex 1.2 times per week

You must attend the opera

You must be politically active

You must pay into charities

You must believe in God

You must go to Church

You must drink too much

You must have a huge debt

You must have a stressed heart

You must die early!

You can reassess your life

You can be an artist

You can cry

You can laugh

You can sing to friends

You can dance

You can eat sensibly

You can exercise smartly

You can take relaxing vacations

You can smell the flowers

You can play with children

You can play with animals

You can read

You can read poetry

You can love a wonderful woman

You can make love with feeling

You can listen with heart and soul

You can enjoy the moonlit night

You can love a sunny warm day

You can love winters white way

You can work for charities

You can listen to birds

You can live simply

You can live long and joyfully!

Walk

Me blind, guide mute, we explore La Verendrye seeking the natural and manmade treasures contained there.  Gravel pathways, sounds of children, squeaky swings, gleeful slides, pea gravel, fresh mown grass, hugged trees (twice), a bench, leaves of every type, smelled flowers.  And we stop.  Guide talks and says what I am thinking.  This spot is special; an essence exists here. My eyes open to the sky near the statue, in the grass, under the trees, where we lay.  

I feel you.