Portent of Trust

So it seems thought I

There can and should be trust

Instead harbinger cast an ugly shadow
enabling others of like mind to do its bidding.

In terror I took to ground

Cowered under the sabre rattling

This massive and growing pit gnawing at me

Apart from self the monster consumed my good.

The force of compassion

It is lost to you now and forever

And we have rallied the right to crusade

Taking to the ramparts we nibble at the foundations.

There is nothing to lose now

Except my ability to remain, to be alive

This contributing member of humanity

For loss renders an empty voiceless soul lost for time.

Helpless to proceed I shall purposely fail

For I needed to lead a noble calling

To be that who provides and is responsible

On real terms for real people to serve.

That nobility might be slashed from me

By a sword of wanton covetousness

Unbalanced and unsustainable and ironically

Contrary to the balance this new enemy claims to espouse.

Who knew in intolerable satiated greed

You might destroy that which you claim to need

To render helpless that you feel necessitates your very existence

What then will you do?

Quarantine

Placed in containment 

Perhaps recovery is imminent 

For most

An isolate is destined

So it seems

To determined loneliness

Contact is denied

And this pounding pain

Waves unchecked once more

Repulsed as it were

Replaced in voids

As empty echoes of hopeless desire

Reverb through blank black

Nails dive torn

Through these sheets

Woken over

A constant scream silently

Urges

Unmet

It must be willingly given

Mortally wounded by manners

The condemned hangs alone

My Suicide

Should the incomprehensible 

Become your victory

You lose anyway

Because contrary to your belief

I've nothing of what you want.

Your win would strip away all dignity

I would become this empty shell

Incapable of being able to support

Myself

Let alone your greed

And my life would cease

And many more destroyed with it

But you want this anyway

Don't you?

Of course you do. I am better dead than alive to you. Despite the cost. 

clock radio

the voice is a buzz

clicks in and fading out

periodic silence

a flying insect in and out of ear reach

what is that

you mentally ask

from where do you talk

to me

a collapsed soul

failed under the weight

of failed passed

step into light

i

this is me

tis all about me

a bout of narcissistic misadventure

to whet a solitary soul

ridden with an illogical guilt

secure in the understanding

it isn't me

except for being attacked

for gilt of none

so a zero sum game

where associates and the associated 

will lose themselves 

to an imbalance 

cause?

is in how it is stated

reason driven into void

a vengeful rational 

this cause of harm

and caught

me

wanting what is responsible 

my wealth is in my nature

i faced the great adventure

me

going when you did not

and then once you tasted

and enjoyed it's sweet nectar

yet selfishly have not learned

organic growth requires nurture

an earned place to be able to say

it was all me

i stood alone and earned this

for me

and pride then peace it's yours

keep an eye on i

not on me

the breach

he watched carefully

returned frequently

his lop wheeled bicycle squeaking its

and his

presence

a jump and clear

across the gap

while the agent was occupied elsewhere

she watched hopefully

the soft flakes falling

covering her car in a warm blanket

the ice formed

the streets filled

praying the clear

will leave her free

from clearers finding fining furiously

I held closely

responsibility and reasonability

to find none where fair is concerned

and that grab

for unearned living

taking a step of unwarranted illegality

to bury balance deeply

in loopy holes unjust

bravado hides

the painful emotion

your words insight incites

that bare fear

unfounded guilt shared

senesce senseless

common ground with your others

free with in the stacks

that space we need to cross

an unintended gap in time

we cannot live to standards

beyond our control

yet you mandate them to civility

society mean hearted

so our holes grow deeper and wider

yet we will to be alive

we are messengers among you

made by the whole

a reminder to the few

staying heads high hearts low

just.

so we can

be a part apart 

across the breach

Mind the Gap

Who exactly makes the choice?

Is it me, a spirit free?

Or perhaps the choice is made for me.

It is all such a swirl yes?

These bombarding feelings

Bubbling up dread then relief

And finally interconnected joy

Provided things go our way

Is it a reaction to my decisions?

Or are we part of a wider play

A stage not of our choosing

Destined for negative when we forget our role

Or god forbid, choose an unpopular way

And then ovation when we deliver

The critics heaping praise upon conforming

Not so different, my creativity might be stifled

And that fear is mostly up here though manifest there.

Mind the gap.

What does that mean?

Does my mind have a gap that place where choice is made?

Or made for me?

I can leap to safety

Or step into that unknown

See how I land.