Budgel's Blunder

The scene: 

Mark is located in Dallas, Texas.  It is about 10:05 in the morning.  He is seated in the back row of convention seating in the Loews Anatole Hotel listening to a talk on environmental design.  In his jacket pocket a large Motorola phone.  It is 1993.

Darryl is located in Rigolet, Labrador.  He, his wife, two cashiers and one stock boy are hunkered down in the back room of the store Darryl manages.  The back room is dark as the power has gone off.  The phone, an old rotary black Bakelite unit is fallen off the wall and suspended by its two fine wires a few feet above the floor and near Darryl’s head.

Jackie is located in St. John’s, Newfoundland.  She is originally from Toronto and only just landed a job with the Occupational Health and Safety Branch of the Newfoundland and Labrador Government.  Her job is to investigate safety violations in the province.

Ring, ring ring.

Mark flips open the phone and asks the caller to hold a moment.  He moves through the doors at the back of the hotel and into the courtyard beyond the hall.  “Hello, who’s calling.”

“Mark, where ya to b’y? I been callin’ yer auffice and fin’lly yer ducky h’answers de phone and tells me yer ‘way and to call ye at this number.  This be Darryl callin’ ye from Rigolet don’t ya know.”

“Hi Darryl, I’m in Dallas at a convention.  How’s Maureen?”

“Aye mudder is great Mark.  She and me, and d’other staff are after lyin’ here all safe and sound like though we nerves be frayed a bit now.”

“Why, Darryl, what has happened?”

“Well Mark it be a long story but I will tell it as quick as I can.  De lights h’are out and it be dusty in the store and we are all a fright and all but safe and sound.” 

“Ya know them Budgell b’ys Mark, Harry and ‘is soons, they be winding about the place tearing up de streets and layin’ pipe for de new water system.  It be dirty business but we are glad far it Mark, we are all glad far it.”

“Well, dey come to da front of de store ya know and if it weren’t they find a bejeezus great large stone directly in fraunt ‘o de place.  Fahr two days now they been drilling and hammering and being right accomodatin’ to the customers, helpin’ them troo de mess and up de stairs to de door.  Dey be nice b’ys Harry’s by’s.”

“Yesterday dey decide they have to blast the bejeezus stone to be able to lay de pipe so dey set to drilling de holes so they can lay der charges ya know.”

“Well lasts night me son them by’s take to drinking down at the contractor’s camp and dey git all contrary witch each udder.  Now Mark, ifs dares anything a Budgel likes more dan a fight it be two fights and dey be beating each udder till early mornin’ still if Harry don’t come break up de affair.”

“So dis morning dem b’ys show from separate directions looking some crooked with each udder.  I’m sure if Harry hadn’t been about dey be fightin agin right now.”

“Now dees b’ys dey need to be layin’ the charge Mark.  One be filling each ‘ole, de other be capping and wiring.  Now Mark, dey sposed to be checking dehr work as dey go but I’m certain they didn’t by god Mark as accountin dey ahr angry and all and cause the charge is sposed to go off in a sequence ya know: bang bang bang bang bang!  It never done dat Mark.”

“So’s de b’ys come to de store Mark and they hauls me outside to explain what dey’s gonna do.  They ‘ave blocked the street each end and covered the windows on de buildings around.  They ‘ave laid dese great big thick rubber tire sheets over the ‘ole Mark and dey tells me that’s to keep de dust and stones down when she blows.  So dem b’ys tells me to close de store for a bit during de blast and to shut off de radios.  For added safety dey says goes to the back room with me staff.”

“So I get on the go with my b’y and the duckies and we go the back room and wait for de work to be done”

“Mark, der is this one single whooping great wump and de lights all goes out and a shudder goes true de store leaving a big crack in the wall where we can see de sun true.  De shudder knocked us all from our feet and we all still be lying here on de floor.”

“Shortly after the wump we starts ta ‘earin tapping sounds on de roof we take to understand as stones coming down on me fresh shingles.  Den there is a another massive wump and de roof h’opened up and me front stairs from de store comes crashing down atop the cash stands Mark.”

“And it don’t stop der Mark, no it certainly do not my b’y.  A final wump happens as de rubber tire mat follys de stairs inlargin’s de hole Mark and taking out all me front end displays.  Maureen and de girls dey only just set up dose displays dis marning Mark.”

“I’m right disappointed in dese Budgel b’ys Mark, right saddened by it’all.  Deys always seemed such good workers.  I am grateful they done apologize for what dey done though.”

“So Mark, what do ya think we should do?  De customers want back into the place and we are still on de floor some ‘fraid to come out.  De customers they be comin to the back door on accounts the front stairs is gone.  What should we do Mark?”

Mark has been stunned into silence.  He asks some questions and informs Darryl to keep the store safely closed.  Mark asks for the phone number of Budgel Brothers and calls them to let them know he is calling the Occupational Health and Safety Branch in St. John’s to inform the Branch of the folly in Rigolet.

Ring, ring ring.

“Hello, this is Jackie Norris, Safety Investigator.  How can I help you?”

Mark advises Jackie of all that has transpired in Rigolet that morning.  There is stunned silence on the end of the phone.

“Jackie, are you there?”

“I moved here from Toronto six months ago to take on this investigator job.  Not a day goes by where I do not get a call like this.  I swear the people of this bloody province are, are… oh forget it.”